That shit is wild.

It is 1:13am and I am just now starting this post. Now I know, most of you would say I'm supposed to be blogging daily, which I am. I just know between when I woke up today and now, 24 hours haven't elapsed, and I have yet to even close my eyes. Maybe I do my best work in the wee hours when I'm supposed to be resting my eyes. Maybe not. I guess I'll let you be the judge. Today's post will be much like yesterdays as far as format goes. However, nothing like the content. As I said yesterday, six must be better than five, so aaahhhh here it goes. (Kel's voice from Kenan and Kel).

Happy Birthday Blue.

Today is Blue’s fifth birthday. Oh by the way, Blue is my car. And I just named him. Seeing as how today is Blue’s birthday that means my tags are due. And if my tags are due that means I’m broke. Because I drive around with opened alcohol in my car way too often to give the Johnny’s any reason to pull me over. So, happy birthday Blue and goodnight bank account.

Shooter.

I’ve accomplished a goal today. I watched one of the hundreds of DVD’s I own. Well I don’t technically own them because I can only recall two that I purchased with my own money. However, seeing as how I am mooching off my parents while I’m still trying to find myself in college we’ll just assume what’s theirs is mine. So for the first movie of my theatrical journey I chose Shooter, a movie I have already seen before. But, I do not regret watching it again what so ever. It has a lot of guns, a lot of blood, and a lot of men, and to me that’s my kind of movie. The main character, Johnny Swagger, is played by Mark Walberg. When I first turned on the movie I said to myself, “Is that dude an ex Beastie Boy?” Well I was wrong. No he’s not. He is a current New Kid on the Block. Oh what, you didn’t hear? The New Kids are releasing a new album. Excited? Well anyway, old ass Danny Glover is in the movie. He sure isn’t using Fixodent because I could see his teeth lifting from his gums. Man, it feels like yesterday he was in Angels in the Outfield, and now today, his teeth are falling out of his mouth. Other than praying the camera man, the editor, and the producer, allowed a scene to slip in where Dan the Man’s teeth fell out, the rest of the movie was okay for most. Like I said, it’s perfect for a girl like me, who loves guns, blood, guts, and glory. That’s my kind of movie. Today was the first day I watched the previews on that movie. It probably had everything to do with me not having a remote to my DVD player; otherwise I’m sure I wouldn’t have taken the time. Well Sam Jackson was in one of the previews for the movie Black Snake Moan. Has anybody seen it? I haven’t so trust it was hilarious. I don’t think I’m allowed to not laugh every time I see Sam after re watching that scene of him falling down the stairs in Unbreakable. “Unbreakable what you thought they called me Mr. Glass”-Kanye West. Yeah that was dope. Don’t front. I’m starting to write how I speak. Ouch. Anyway, the premise of that movie is Sam rescues a half naked beat the fuck up Christina Something or other. I don’t remember her last name. I just know she was the one dating Marilyn Manson and had her ass out at the MTV awards a few years back. Ricci, that’s it. It’s Christina Ricci. Anyway, this bitch is beat the fuck up and Sam Jackson picks her ass up out of the street. He chains her with this big ass medieval chain and lock to the couch. He says something along the lines of God put you here so you’re staying until you can learn to not be a ho. And I’m pretty sure I remember some line about steak. The funniest part about the preview was David Banner with this nasty gold grill. He kind of looked like Jerome from Martin. Wait that was not the funniest part, it was when Christina the Ho Ricci tried to run away with the big ass heavy duty chain on and the pan back to Sam pulling the chain back and she falls smack dab on her back. Man, I might rent that. Make the goal something like some hundreds and one.


Blind Date.

No I did not go on one. Do I look like the type to go on blind dates. I think not. I’m pretty sure I am more than capable of finding a date I’ve seen before. Damn. Actually when I started this post I was watching the last few minutes of the show Blind Date, and I completely forgot how funny the show was.

There is this woman named Ashley* on a date with this guy named Bob*. Well needless to say Ashley is a ho just like every broad on this show. And Bob, he just wants to get a piece and drive the rent a car SUV to the second part of the date. Ashley is dressed horribly, and has the nerve to have an attitude. And Bob has on the traditional Hawaiian shirt and kaki shorts. They both look a mess and if you ask me, they belong together. I only caught the last part of the date. You know the part, when the ride in that big taxi van home and the guy makes his last attempt to get laid. Well here’s the conversation. No adlibs.

Bob: When did this date go wrong?

Ashley: Your mouth opened that’s where it went wrong. I have more class in my finger nail than you.

Bob: Well you are a stripper so your class is kind of lowered down.

Ashley: No I’m actually a stripper try that on for size.

Bob: Can I?

Ashley: NO!

Bob: Damn.

Talk about a rough night. Hawaiian Bob is not getting any and Ashley the Slor got called a ho. Ouch.

*The names Bob and Ashley have been changed to protect their identity. Nawww I just forgot. =]

Paternity Test.

I’m still a bit confused why people choose to humiliate themselves on national television. We all know how it goes. The proverbial (that’s my new favorite word by the way) question is asked. “Are you one hundred percent sure he is the father of your children.” Of course they answer with something outlandish like “one hundred and ten percent.” First off no one is one hundred and ten percent sure about anything, especially the paternity of their bastard. So stop embarrassing yourself and my race for a free plane ticket to Chicago and a meal allowance. Your child is not going to want to look you up on youtube in a few years so do us all a favor. That’s not even the worse part about it. Some of these bitches are on the show like nine times. No I’m serious. I saw a girl on Maury who had tested NINE guys. What kind of shit is that? How long does it take to get pregnant? Now we all know I’m not pregnant and probably never will be ever if I play my cards right so I don’t really know. But let’s be honest, you were fuckin’ nine guys in a month span? I don’t know. That just seems like a whole lot to me. Maybe it’s not a whole lot to some. But It’s a whole lot to everyone when you blast yourself on national television. Welp, it happens. And as long as it does I’ll keep watching that shit. YOU are NOT the father… girl runs and screams. You knew that. Stop frontin’. Next.

ADD.

I have attention deficit disorder. Actually I’ve been diagnosed with attention deficit hyper active disorder, but they don’t call it that anymore. I was so embarrassed when I was tested for it. Wait oh wait a minute, this is starting to sound like one of those herpes commercials. Let’s take a step back and remember what I’m talking about, ADD kids, ADD. I was so embarrassed I did not want any of my friends to know. They were calling me asking me to hang out and I kept telling them I had doctors’ appointments. I didn’t want to say, “Hey I’m failing my classes because I can not sit still and I leave early.” So instead I made them all believe I was pregnant. Pregnant? Me? No. One of my friends sat me down and said, “Cece, are you pregnant? Its okay I understand, I just want to be there for you.” Of course I laughed. All I was doing was going to get some meds and these people thought I was pregnant. They must think I’m trying to kill myself or move away. Because both of those outcomes would come true the minute some lame impregnates me. Move. Murder.

A little more on ADD.

Let me take the time to explain my disorder. I cannot concentrate for longer than, I don’t know, 45 minutes without my medicine. The medicine I take everyday is supposed to last for 12 hours. But, let me be the first to tell you that is a lie. I end up having to pop another around noon when I took one at eight just to get me through the day. The most annoying part about the whole thing is having ADD effects your memory. You forget to do simple things like pay a bill, do your homework, and charge your phone, things that could easily become a huge nuisance. So for someone who constantly forgets things, don’t you think it’s kind of ironic that they must remember to take a pill everyday to help them remember? Well if you don’t, I do. I can never remember to take it on time. I literally have to keep it on me at all hours because I’ll notice I’m not doing what I’m supposed to and then BAM pill time.

Now that I’ve grown up I don’t have a problem talking about it. Matter of fact I told someone I should have probably kept it a secret to because now everyday he asks me if I’ve taken my medicine. He can’t wait to catch me without it so I can get angry, frustrated, or just plain distracted. If ever I’m acting out of character, here he comes with this ADD talk. Actually now that I think about it, that’s what he calls me sometimes. My new nickname from him is ADD. Damn.

It’s two o’ clock and we’re still rollin. I can’t help it. Somethin’ Somethin’.

The way you do what you’re doin’, keeps me comin back for more. Keep it rollin baaabbyyy. Okay that was the Isley Brother’s in case you didn’t know. The somethin’ somethin’ wasn’t in the actual song but I couldn’t remember the lines. Well with six post under my belt, I’m finally headed to bed. No more late nights for me. Yeah right. I’ll see you tomorrow at 1. In the AM that is.


Peace and Love.

(Man... 7,347 words and four frosties... ummm feels good don't it.)